What a Tangled Web

"Oh what a tangled web we weave,

When first we practice to deceive!"

~Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17

"Mom, have you ever told a lie?"  Now how am I supposed to answer that?  I certainly can't lie in response!  As much as I'd like to paint myself as a paragon of virtue in my children's eyes, I have unfortunately been untruthful on more than one occasion.  As you no doubt know if you have young children (or even know any), children often fib with wild abandon.  The trick, I think, is to deal with the tendency while the falsehoods are still painted in broad, obvious strokes.  Do you have any good tips for putting a stop to the tall tales?  What tactics did your parents use?

I recall my own parents teaching us kids the concept of honesty in a way that made a vivid impression for whatever reason.  I don't recall all the details, but I do recall this.  It involved a story of a young boy who kept telling lies, and each lie somehow added a big hairy leg to a big, scary, hairy spider.  I'm not sure how the boy had the ability to add legs to a spider, or why the spider was as big as he was, but he did, and it was.  That big hairy spider has stayed with me these 30 plus years now.

As I've gotten older (and older), I am still fascinated with the concept of truth and deception, but more with the subtleties of what makes a statement or omission true or untrue.  So often meaning is conveyed more by what we don't say than what we do say.

When I was about 12, an elderly couple befriended my family.  They would come to visit and bring all sorts of little treats and delights.  I remember the lovely old woman bringing me a Clinique lipstick in a color light enough that she and I could convince my mom it was more gloss than color so that I could wear it.  One afternoon, she and her husband gave me a collection of short stories that I treasured.  One of the stories I have always remembered was "The Necklace" by Guy de Maupassant (1884).  Do you know that one?  The short story is indeed "short," and well worth a read.  But here's the wikipedia plot summary if you're pressed for time:

"The Necklace" tells the story of Madame Mathilde Loisel and her husband. Mathilde always imagined herself in a high social position with wonderful jewels. However she has nothing and marries a low paid clerk who tries his best to make her happy.

Through lots of begging at work, he is able to get two invitations to the Ministry of the Public Instruction party. Mathilde then refuses to go, for she has nothing to wear. Her husband is upset to see her displeasure and, using money that he was saving to buy a rifle, he lets Mathilde buy a dress that suits her. But Mathilde is still not happy, she wants jewels to wear with it. Since they have no money left, her husband suggests that she borrow something from her friend, Madame Jeanne Forestier. Mathilde picks out the fanciest jewel necklace that she can find. After attending the Ministry of Public Instruction party, Mathilde discovers that she has lost the necklace.

Mathilde and her husband look everywhere but the necklace is not to be found. They take out loans from generous friends and loan sharks to buy a necklace that looks just like the one that was lost. It takes them ten years of hard labor to come up with the 36,000 francs necessary to pay them back. After losing everything, having to work, and forcing her husband to work two jobs, Mathilde sees Madame Forestier walking down the street and tells her that the necklace she returned to her was actually a replacement. Madame Forestier is surprised and tells Mathilde that the original necklace was actually a fake, worth only 500 francs.  

There are so many layers of deception and misunderstanding here.  Mathilde wishing to be someone she was not.  Madame Forestier allowing Mathilde to believe that the necklace is real.  Mathilde hiding her loss of the necklace from Madame Forestier and then laboring and suffering for 10 years to pay the price for its replacement.

There are so many lessons in the story.  Stop trying to appear to be something you are not.  Stop trying to impress other people.  Don't assume that you know a person just based on appearances or reputation.  When you make a mistake, own up to it immediately.

My girls are always begging for good stories.  I think I'll share this one with them tomorrow.  After all, I'd rather have a beautiful lost necklace imprinted in my memory than a big hairy spider.  Wouldn't you?