Wednesday's Word -- Guilt

Orestes Pursued by the Furies, by John Singer Sargent, 1921.  The erinyes represent the guilt for murdering his mother.  

It took 43 seconds for the elevator doors in my office building to open and let me in this afternoon.  I know, because I count.  It's not so much that I'm impatient (although I am).  I count because I desperately want to dive into the elevator before anyone at work sees me leaving while it's still afternoon.  

You'd think I'd dispense of such emotions given the number of insanely committed years I've devoted, and the significant fact that I've taken a major paycut in exchange for the right to walk out the door.  But that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about it.  Crazy, but true.  And the sad reality is that I feel guilty about leaving, and I feel guilty about staying.  Either way, I feel like I'm letting people down.  Family or work -- take your pick.    

Guilt

The word guilt comes from the Old English gylt meaning "crime, sin, fault."  Gylt is of unknown origin, but some think it may have a connection with the Old English gieldan meaning "to pay for, debt."  I kind of like that, because that's sure how I feel -- like everyone wants something from me and there's no way to satisfy them.  Perhaps a pound of flesh?  

For now, I'll keep counting at the elevator, trying to outrace the needless guilt that pursues me.